Crazy Plastic Couches are Cool

(look at that alliteration)

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give me fat boy's famous arrow.
I don't know where I'm going. I feel more and more lately like I'm finding something really close to my true self, and then I have moments like this where it's almost like I'm being possessed by negativity. It won't last too long but I feel so down and I'm missing things from the past that I know deep down are not things I really need.

Who ever created the idea of feelings being important things to follow? In the past three years I've had so many different directions pulling me in the guises of different feelings and now I'm call them out. What the hell are you? Who do you think you are? And why are you doing this to me?

All the things I used to want and dream about now scare the bejeebies out of me (yes, that's an amazing word) and all the things I thought I'd never in a million years feel are now the core of my philosophy. It's as if I was born my true self, and with every year that passes, I lose a bit of myself. I get lost in the shuffle and I am so easily chipped away and eroded until all that's going to be left is a mushy little playdough Vanessa who knows her name and maybe her social security number.

Whyyyyy can't we be born old and grow younger?


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